If Your Heart Is Heavy…

I’ve read this quote on several blogs lately, and I think it is profound. I’ve heard people talk about how holidays can be the loneliness of all the days in the year. They can magnify those empty spots or those losses that we sometimes carry around in our hearts. They can be a reminder that there is one less plate set at the dinner table or sometimes the family gatherings highlight the corruption in family relationships. I personally know some people who dread the holidays, while they serve as a time of  peace and joy for others.  Wherever your heart finds itself on this Christmas, look around and remember that others in that very same room may be feeling completely different emotions. And embrace them and their joy or sorrow. Both yours and theirs.  Hold their hand and together proclaim that He is good.

 

He is gracious, and He is good. 

 

He is just, and He is good.

 

He is merciful, and He is good.

 

He is risen, and He is good.

 

He is faithful, and He is good.

 

He is compassionate, and He is good.

 

He redeems all things.

 

He is the Good Shepherd. 

 

And in this Advent Season, I am joyful the Savior in the manger.

Not Celebrate? Your burden is too great to bear?

Your loneliness is intensified during this Christmas season?

Your tears seem to have no end?

Not Celebrate? You should lead the celebration.

You should run through the streets to ring the bell and sing the loudest!

You should fling the tinsel on the tree,

And open your house to your neighbors and call them to dance!

For it is you above all others who know the joy of Advent.

It is unto you that a Savior is born this day.

One Who comes to lift your burden from your shoulders,

One Who comes to wipe the tears from your eyes.

You are not alone, for He is born this day to you.

                             Ann Weems, Kneeling in Bethlehem

In This Moment….

I am the one who helps him keep his balance when he pulls up at the back  door the look at Lady through the window.

 

I am the one who wakes up at 6:30a.m. to the sound of his baby babble talk streaming through the monitor.

 

I am the one who pops out from around the corner yelling “BOO!!!” and sends him into a hysterical laughter. It’s his new favorite game, by the way. It never gets old. It’s still just as funny at 5:00p.m. as it was at 7:00a.m. when you played it for the first time that day.

 

I am the one who he clings to when we go to a new place or are around a group of new people and he feels scared.

 

I am the one who comforts him, who feeds him, who consoles him, who wipes the poop from his butt, and who goes into his room after he falls asleep at night and puts all the pacies back in his crib that he threw out so he will easily be able to find one if he wakes up in the middle of the night. Alright, and I make D do most some of these things most some of the time. He has to earn his keep around here somehow;)

 

Earlier today Thomas was in his walker in the kitchen while I folded laundry and put it away. We started a game of chasing each other around the island in the kitchen with me sneaking up behind him and yelling “BOO!!!” and then both us cracking up. It is hilarious to watch him because I literally scare him. He jumps out of his skin every time I pop out, even though he knows I’m behind the corner and knows I’m about to jump right back out at him. Well, the fun part about playing this game around the kitchen island is that he would try to come get me once he saw which corner I was hiding behind, but I would have already snuck around the other side of the island by that time and would be ready to jump out from behind him and give him even more of a thrill. We both were cracking up. It probably was the hardest I have laughed in a really long time. It was one of those times when I thought, “This is real joy. This is one of those few pure moments of life.”  The kind where you have such a grateful heart that all you can feel is adoration for your loved one and thanksgiving to the One who created him. I love the moments where I get so lost in the wonder and blessing of raising a little person that my heart is free from any frustration or weariness that it may carry from other aspects of motherhood. Don’t you know that God must love when we worship him through the love of parenting?!

 

I am so grateful for this time with Thomas when he is young and innocent and the biggest obstacle I have with him is keeping him from giving himself a concussion while learning to crawl, cruise, and walk. I know a day will come when parenting him looks completely different than it does now. There will be no more diapers to change and instead of jumping out from around a corner and yelling “BOO!!” at him, I will probably be yelling '”GET TO YOUR ROOM AND DON’T COME BACK OUT UNTIL YOU’VE CHANGED YOUR ATTITUDE, YOUNG MAN!!!!!”

 

…..Excuse me. Did anyone just hear Joan coming out in me??  Ah, this world may be an even scarier place than I realized!!

 

Anyways, back to what I was saying. I know that different seasons and challenges in the world of parenting lay/lie (what the heck is the correct word to use here anyway??)  ahead of me and Daniel. And I know that the “leave and cleave” season will come, too.  And I cringe at the very thought of her it:) I know that the Lord did not design little boys to stay at home forever with their Mommas. There is great purpose and fulfillment in everyone when a little boy is trained in the ways of the Lord in his home and is one day ready to leave his Momma and Daddy and to cleave to his new wife and life. But still!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

So today,  my dear friends in blog world, I am going to live in this moment with my son and cherish it. I am going to log off of the computer for the day and spend the rest of our “free time” for the day on the floor with Thomas. Wrestling, spitting, scratching our butts, biting, whatever it is little boys do:)

Wise Words I’ve Stumbled Over

"I need to start the day (after the prayer and exercise start) with a shower, clothing and lip gloss, and then some quiet time with the Bible. I want my children to find me in that room, with a candle lit and the Bible on my lap when they first wake up. I don't want them to find me staring into my laptop." ~Elizabeth Foss

 

I don’t know who Elizabeth Foss is, but she seems like one wise woman from whom I could learn a thing or two….

 

But does she really start her day with exercise and a shower?!? 

 

Needless to say, I’M IMPRESSED.

 

Go check out this thought-provoking post and let your heart and home be challenged….

Letter To Me

If I could go back and have a conversation with the girl that I was in college and our first year of marriage, I would have a few things I’d love to tell her.  But then again, I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprises that life would soon bring her:)

 

Dear Amanda,

You’re a freshman in college this year. Your roommate and friend, Laura, just showed you a new way to get back home to Statesboro by going straight through Newnan and following highway 16.  This route allows you to avoid the interstates in Atlanta and the horrible traffic. You don’t know this now, but you are driving right past your future husband’s family business where he will be working when you catch his eye,  fall in love, and marry him. Further more, you are driving right past the house that you and Daniel will make a home and raise your son, Thomas Lanier Smith, in.  Also, this house is across the street from your soon-to-be extended family, who will have a place of their very own in your heart as soon as you meet them. You don’t know this yet, because you are no where near ready. These next few years you will spend in college growing and maturing as a woman and Jesus Believer will be critical to building the strong foundation on which your marriage will stand.  You will be so blessed when you meet Daniel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Amanda,

You are a sophomore in college now. You should enjoy skipping History to go to the gym and making Scotty take notes for you. There will be a day rather soon in your future when your gym membership package will include a “nursery fee” and you will not be able to make it to the 9:30a.m. class because you will be home  caring for your new baby. You should enjoy your freedom of being able to work out with Scotty, Cassie, Joanna, and Jenny  for two hours a day if you want to while you can. Spend some more time in the sauna, sweating and relaxing. You will not be able to do this once you become pregnant, and you will be in too big of a hurry to pick Thomas up from the gym nursery after a forty-five minute aerobics class to go sit in the sauna.

 

Soon enough, you will consider pushing the stroller around the farm for thirty minutes your work out for the day, and you will be exhausted after it because you will have been up at least once, maybe twice, during the night nursing your  precious child. And you will be so blessed to have the opportunity to do so.

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Amanda,

You are a Junior in college now. You are well into your business classes and are always studying all night for tests because you are too distracted hanging out with your roommates during the day to study.  You are making almost, if not all, “A’s” in hopes that all of this hard work in school will pay off with some great job when you graduate.  You don’t know this yet, but you will hardly even use that Marketing Degree that you achieved, with honors, in the “real world work force”.  However, you will use those business skills when you try to sell your first home while the economy’s in a recession and when you start learning how to use coupons and recognize all of the “marketing gimmicks”  the manufacturers are using to manipulate you into spending unnecessary money!  You will need every penny that you have to buy diapers and wipes.

 

Also, enjoy your trendy little church dresses. Actually, just enjoy knowing what the current styles and trends are! There will soon be a day where you find yourself wearing a black knit top from Target, some khaki pants with a maternity waist band (11 weeks after your child is born), and some black Liz Claiborne ballet-style shoes because your heels are crusty and your toe nails are unpainted. You also will have to wake up at 6:30a.m. in order to actually make it to church on time. However, you will spend your morning cuddled up in the chair with your sleeping infant, whose belly is full of milk and whose heart is full of trust and love for you. You will be blessed.

 

 

 

Dear Amanda,

You are now a Senior in college. You have met your future husband, and life outside of him no longer exists:) You and Daniel are keeping the roads hot between Newnan and Carrollton.  You should enjoy this year because you are getting the best of both worlds: being in love and spending time with your Romeo but still living with four wonderful college girls at the blvd where there is always plenty of  talk about the latest diets, late night runs to the Marathon, and endless television watching of Grey’s and Army Wives…not to mention the shared experience of facebook stalking:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Amanda,

You are now a newlywed. You are Daniel love to eat out during the week and spend the Summer weekends at the lake and beach. You should really enjoy your hot summer days laying around at the beach with Heather and Kelby. It won’t be but a few summer’s away when you’ll be chasing a little boy around the beach in your tankini and trying to keep him from drowning in the ocean! When you’re not digging for crabs or building sand castles, you’ll be re-applying the SPF 100 on your red-headed, fair skinned little boy:)

 

 

Dear Amanda,

You are now expecting your first child! Enjoy the winter of 2009/2010 where you and D are in bed every night by 8:00p.m. just so you can watch a few  Law and Order re-runs before you doze off by 9:30p.m.! And tell Daniel not to worry, your pregnancy hormones WILL go away, and you WILL allow him to turn the heat on next winter:)

 

 

Dear Amanda,

You are now a mother to a newborn!  Thomas will grow and develop faster than you can blink!  He will be playing outside with Lady and riding the 4-wheeler all by himself before you know it!  Enjoy this time when it’s only you and him. It won’t be this way forever. So take a million pictures, and when you’re done taking those, take a million more!  Don’t wish a minute of it away for time with Thomas is too precious to be wasted!!

 

A Moment Of Truth

Oprah calls them "Ah-ha! Moments." I call them "Moments of Truth." They are inevitable. They are coming, to you, and to me. You can not avoid them. You can not stop them. You can not prepare for them. They were never meant to be prepared for. That is how raw and powerful they are. They will leave you different from the person you were when they found you.

Sometimes it's hearing a doctor's diagnosis. Sometimes it is your Romeo asking you to spend the rest of your life with him down on one knee (and with some bling, of course!). Sometimes it is hearing the shattering words that over half of our country have heard,"This marriage is over." Sometimes it is hearing your parents say, "Mommy and Daddy are no longer going to be together." Sometimes it is seeing two little unexpected pink lines on a pregnancy test. Sometimes it is the phone call you get in the middle of the night of someone explaining that there has been a tragedy to your loved one. Somtimes it is hearing the man you love more than anything in the world take vows before the Lord, his friends, and family to cherish, honor, and love you unconditionally.

Whatever the specifics of the moment are, it is the moment itself changes your journey here on Earth, forever.

Daniel and I are the typical first time parents. When Thomas gets here, I am sure that we will worry ourselves to death about SIDS, his development, his happiness and security, if he's getting enough nutrition, if I'm a good Mom, if Daniel's a good Dad, if we're teaching him the important things of this life, and if he's the cutest baby in the county. We have read the books, taken the classes, and asked a million pieces of advice from a million different people. However, I am not naive enough to believe that all of this "knowledge" that I have accumulated over the past seven months will serve much, if any, purpose once Thomas is actually here in my arms. Like I said earlier, you simply can not prepare for some things. I am sure that when I look at D and say, "I think it's time we go to the hospital," it will feel nothing like what we think it will, but it will be magical in its own way. Every single bit of our expectations for that day or night will go be blown away and replaced by a much deeper, more geniune, loving experience that we could have even imagined. It will be a moment of truth like none other.

I believe these Moments are a part of God's design for our lives and are critical for the development of our understanding about who He is. They break us of the cycle of trying to live independent from the One who designed us. Sometimes that cycle is where you feel distant and disconnected from God because of whatever current circumstance you are in, so you develop this "independence" from God in your heart where you try to quit relating to Him because you feel abandoned, deserted, and maybe confused as to where He fits into this messy picture that you call your life. Any maybe no one around you even seems to notice this hardness in your heart, so you get good at ignoring it too, and it slowly becomes so natural that it's characteristic of your life. Sometimes the cycle of "independence" is more subtle because it appears harmless. It ocurs at a time when you seem to have life all together. Things are going pretty smoothly. Your relationships appear stable and secure. Your debt is currently under control. Your kids are healthy and well behaved. Your life is full of rich experiences. But somewhere in all of that, you have lost touch with your one True Love, the One we call God.

So see, I think that while these Moments of Truth can be terrifying and have the ability to shake you to your core, they should be embraced. They bring you to a place where you are vulnerable. A place that does not always feel "safe." A place where you are really ready to run to Jesus because you realize that Truth is Truth, and nothing else stands in comparison. Run to Jesus.

I do not have all the answers. In fact, with my curious little personality, most days I seem to have more questions than I do answers (just ask Daniel, I LOVE to ask him questions!). But when I am resting in the Truths of Jesus, I do not worry about all the unknowns.


.....On a lighter note, you will not be hearing from me for about a week on the blog! "What's new?"...I can hear your sarcastic comments now Cassie:) I will be traveling down to South GA to meet my new niece, Mary Frances!! For now, these are the only pictures I have of her. But don't worry, you know I will be back with a million more next week!!



Anyone think she resembles Thomas at all?!? Any comments? I'd love to hear from you!

The Search

We all grow up searching, and even when we are "grown" (which I am trying to figure out if I am really grown if I still giggle every time my husband or I toot?), we are still searching. We are entangled in many searches throughout our life here on Earth.

The search for adventure. Search for our identity. Search for our faith. Search for security. Search for food. Search for our soul mates. Search for our purpose in this world. Search for acceptance. Search for a place to grow old. Search for a perfect, cuddly puppy. Search for significance. Search for a place to call home. Search for a career.

We are all constantly searching. Sometimes our searches are short-lived. Sometimes we give up, or sometimes they just die out. We lose hope. Our motivation diminishes. Whatever.

Or, the more hopeful result: WE FIND WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR. After many years of the Lord molding my faith, character, personality, testimony, and desires, He allowed my search for a partner to walk hand-in-hand with me for the next one-hundred years on this Earth to be over. Hello, Daniel:) And throughout this process, also called LIFE, other searches were successfully conquered too. I got an education that (hopefully) has prepared me for my place in the work force. I developed a sense of dependency on my faith (Jesus) that had never existed before the age of 19. Through learning to see myself as the Lord sees me, I have found my identification. I am fully accepted....JUST. AS. I. AM.

But thankfully, He also loves me enough not to let me stay this way. I am a walking, breathing, flawed human being. Just ask my husband:) But the good news is that the Lord is changing me every day. I am realizing new things about Him and about myself all the time. I have shattered the confidence and trust of many people that I love countless times before because of my own wretched heart (and I am sorry if you are reading this and know exactly what I am talking about from personal experience). This is one search that is never over. I will never "conquer" this search and have perfect faith. It is a life-long process. This daily relationship with Jesus is my hope for continuing on this search and my many others.

The Bible reminded me the other day that the Lord is with me in all of my searches. Even the career one. There are times that I believe many lies:
"I will never get a full-time job because I am underqualified."
"I will never get a full-time job because we are in a recession and soooo many more people are more qualified than me."
"I will never get a full-time job because I don't have any real skills."
"There are just simply no jobs out there".

Hear me say that I believe that there is an element of truth in all of those lies. We are in a recession. Many people are WAY more qualified than me. I don't have a ton of skills because I don't have a whole lot of experience. BUT, they became lies to me when I started believing that THEY were ruling my life and circumstances, not God. "God is big, but this recession is pretty big too" was my thinking. It was a complete and utter lack of faith.

Now, God has not presented any great full-time job opportunity or anything grand like that, but He has redeemed those lies from my heart and replaced them with His truth.

"For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the Earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His...." (2 Chronicles 16:9).

The Lord has not forgotten about me. The Lord is in control of all the economies and markets in the entire world. The Lord knows every CEO and President of every great company out there. He could place me in whatever position He desired in whatever company. But for right now, His purpose is for me to help market my Chick-fil-A store. Period. I must accept His will for my life right now, even though it is not exactly what I had expected to be doing at this point in my life. However, I will continue my job search for full-time work and patiently wait on the Lord to open doors.

The Lord is with you too. He knows what your heart desires. He knows what searches you are on, and what voids you are trying to fill. He knows what lies you are believing. He knows what even your closest friend, mother, or husband may not know is going on in your head and heart. Seek His Truth.

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On a lighter note, HAPPY ALMOST EASTER!!

Last night was date night at the Smith residence. Daniel and I really try to be intentional about spending quality time together, so we clear our schedules one night a week and from the moment he gets off work, it is "our time". It's nothing fancy at all, we usually just go out to dinner (so I don't have to cook and do dishes) and enjoy each others' company. So last night "date night" involved picking up fast food and bringing it home so we could color easter eggs! I don't ever remember doing this growing up, but Mom says she knows we did it because one year Summer thought she would continue to enjoy the Easter celebration and hid an easter egg in her bedroom. A little while later, Mom began noticing a smell...you guessed it! Summer's rotten egg! Anyways, TA DA! We hope you have a Happy Easter!


Have time for one more quick story? Daniel will probably KILL me for posting this, but aren't you supposed to skip permission and ask for forgiveness later?:)
I was trying to look at all the nutritional info on Subway before we went to the restaurant so I would know exactly what I wanted on my sandwich and I wouldn't be that girl in the line, but I couldn't help noticing all the chaos around me. I'm not sure who was chasing who, who eventually won, or if there even was a winner, but this was the final outcome.


Lady was in the house (a rare treat!) and of course, she was already bouncing off the walls. Somehow a game of "chase" began...and Daniel and Lady ran in circles and circles and circles and more circles...through my kitchen...more circles....down the hallway...more circles...back through the living room...more circles. Finally, those two passed out in the floor, both panting. Literally.

I think someone has a new buddy:)

A Few of My Favorite Things....

Last night while I was lounging in my big, comfy, over-stuffed chair waiting on D to come home and fix my head ache (I know he isn't capable of doing that, but somehow things just seem to get better once he comes home), I was thinking. Thinking about all that has changed in the past year. Where I was a year ago this time. Where my heart was. Where my roommates were was the real question! We all got soooo busy that the boulevard just kind of became a place where we all stopped by to change clothes, catch a little shut-eye, and maybe mumble "hey i miss you" as we passed each other by. Then, July 31st came, and we all moved out. Just. Like. That.

So anyways, the point is last night, while I was cussing all this bad weather out in my head because it has overstayed its welcome and was the source of my headache, I realized how much I receive from the people I love, and even more so, directly from the Lord, since He is the giver of all things.

Companionship. Laughter. Joyful Tears. Accountability. Encouragement. Affirmation. Honesty. Heart Analyzation. Realizing What Sin Is In My Heart That Is Affecting My Relationship With The Lord. Growth. Compassion.

These are just a few things that come to mind. Today, I am thankful to You, for everything you have given me through my relationships with friends, roommates, sisters, mothers, aunts, fathers, and co-workers.

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My Boulevard Girls:
I LOVE when we used to:
1. Put pretend throw-up on Brittney's floor and pretend one of the dogs had gotten sick.
2. Do Bible studies at like 5a.m. in the morning
3. Learn how to cook together
4. Watch Grey's Anatomy together
5. Argue about who hadn't been unloading the dishwasher
6. Listen to Bon-Bon drunkly ramble about losing Maggie
7. Steal the neighbor's kittens and put them in stripped rainboots for a photo shoot
8. Dress Betsy and Lady alike when they were little girls
9. Make Scotty turn off the power to Britt's room while we squealed with excitement from Kirb's room waiting for her to come confront us!
10. Be good neighbors and call the police when strange men used to walk up in our yard at midnight and ask to use our house phone.
11. Watch Aunt Kim lay out in her driveway everyday while collecting unemployment.
12. Watch Bon Bon drive that old little car 2 driveways up to Aunt Kims for a deal to go down.
13. Doing the exercise hula-hoop
14. Having some pretty tense house meetings
15. Making Lady and Betsy "put their head down" before they got anything they wanted

My D:
I Love When You:
1. Pop my foot blisters after a long day at the gym
2. Say things like "I would love to make you coffee to help you wake up but I don't know how to work the coffee pot"
3. Build fires on cold nights while I sit in the chair with blankets whining "Ddddddddddddddddddddddd, I'mmmmmmmm ccccccccccooooooooolllllllllllddddddddd" as though you're not doing anything about it:)
3. Are a handy man and put up blinds around the house because I'm afraid someone could be peeping in on me in the dark!
4. Get up and "check" the house in such a unafraid manner when I wake you up and say that I can't sleep because I "heard something"....you're so manly
5. Come home right at 5:00 after work to take me on dates
6. Lock and dead bolt the doors when you leave in the mornings to keep my safe while I'm still asleep
7. Grill an extra hot dog for Lady
8. Kiss me goodbye every morning before you leave for work
9. EVERYTHING ELSE YOU DO, I LOVE YOU!

Mama T and Heather:
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE:
1. When yall have doctors appointments in Atlanta and we make it a girls day and go shopping:)
2. Helping/Learning how to cook with yall
3. Staying at your house when bad weather comes our way
4. The carpet in the den (take this as a warning, Mama T! I won't be a happy girl when it comes up!)
5. Taking care of our boys together, whether it be talking about having to force them to go to the doctor or buying them new shirts because we decided that it was that time.
6. Going to the beach/lake/concerts! So much fun with yall (Heather).
7. Sitting around in Dahlonega and then going downtown and buying fudge:)
8. Making Christmas plates full of goodies
9. Trying a new diet or at least talking about trying a new one every week

Mama Joan:
I LOVE THAT:
1. I can ALWAYSSS find something to laugh about when you are around...you are just toooooo stinkin' cute!
2. I can always call you and ask you a question about Jesus' life and you ALWAYS seem to know the answer! You are such a little brain!
3. You loved me enough growing up to do what was not always easy or pleasing to me, but what would develop my character and maturity.
**"Those who love their children care enough to discipline them."
Proverbs 13:24
4. We can sit and chat over coffee alllll morning long.
5. We're usually still in our pajama's at lunch time after our morning coffee:)
6. You have excellent style in decorating, and you came and stayed a week at my house helping me paint and get some decorating direction!
7. You love my husband and treat him kindly and with much respect.
8. You are so artsy and love scrapbooking (something I admire, but have not desire to do myself...maybe you'll do it for me one day? :)
9. You and Daddy are not only still married, but still in love after all these years.
10. Daddy goes to see boring plays with you.
11. You are a good hostess when we come home and have everything clean and ready for us (Thank you!)
12. You buy the whole family matching pajamas that we wear every year on Christmas Eve and take pictures together

My Sisters:
I Love That:
1. We grew up sharing rooms with each other...and 1 bathroom...it has made me very efficient at getting dressed, which my husband appreciates because I'm not one of those girls that you have to wait hours on for me to get ready
2. Yall are all another mother to me in one way or another
3. The fact that NONE OF YALL can keep a secret to save your life! If I tell one sister something, I don't even have to worry about calling the other ones and telling them, it will be taken care of for me!
4. We keep in contact with each other and leave voicemails accusing you of being shady if you don't answer your phone when we call
5. We all have the same sense of humor and can take jokes well (you must have thick skin to be a Childs girl)
6. Yall were the best wedding planners a bride could ever ask for! Each one of you were always asking me which tasks could you help with next.

All in all, the Good Lord reminded me last night of how important relationships are. All that He teaches us through them. All that He provides for us through them. They are a good thing, especially when we experience God's love, forgiveness, grace, and compassion in them. I think this is exactly what the Lord was telling us in the Bible when it says, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8). Human relationships are an important part of knowing the Lord, and they can have a deep impact on your relationship with the Lord if you allow them to. So let's get honest with each other and really learn what it means to love each other deeply. I'm up for the challenge.

I must say though, I think I like my relationship with Daniel the best...Sorry girls, I'm a little partial:) No one else would come home on their lunch break to kill a wasp in the house for me!

Election 2008

"So it is with voting. We deal with the system. We deal with the news. We deal with the candidates. We deal with the issues. But we deal with it all as if not dealing with it. It does not have our fullest attention. It is not the great thing in our lives. Christ is. And Christ will be ruling over his people with perfect supremacy no matter who is elected and no matter what government stands or falls. So we vote as though not voting."
-John Piper